Like the Song Says:"I Need Just a Little More Jesus!"

So I haven't written specifically about my baby girl in a few posts. That's because when you are the parent of a special needs child, it can consume you. And I try to remember that while writing is therapeutic, no one wants to read post after post about my woes and worries. But today, I  need to woe and worry.

photo credit: The Telegraph

For the past several weeks she has be one cranky 12-year-old. Yesterday it took an hour to get her to agree to get dressed for church. Don't ask me why, it just did. The week before that it took about 30 minutes. At this rate, I'll need to pad in an extra 90 minutes of get ready time.

I have also noticed an increase in her desire to send her mommy to that special place - when she purposely does things to try and upset me. I know it isn't personal and it isn't really about me but yesterday I was so overwhelmed I needed a way to release some of the tension, my choices were to punch something or cry. As much as I hate to do it, crying seemed like the better option. When she couldn't get me to break after she refused to get dressed she decided to trash, and I mean trash, her room - clothes all over the place, sheets off the bed, a total disaster area. On Saturday she got upset because I gave her waffles for breakfast and she wanted an omelette. Later that day she started screaming at the top of her lungs because I wanted her to put her loom bands away (they are driving me nuts!).

Most days I can shrug off her mood swings and when she's back to my happy go-lucky little girl, I can move on too, but not yesterday. I was a bit frazzled for the rest of the day - sorta in a fog. Sometimes, when the mood swings are prolonged I feel like there won't be another happy moment.  I just needed some time to remember that this is what I signed up for. I wanted to be her mother. I  may not have known what that meant and true, the system didn't provide me with the information it should have, but hey, most times biological parents don't know what they are dealing with either until their bundle of joy arrives.

In short, yesterday, I needed a triple dose of prayer. Prayer to help me remember that I've made it this far as her mommy and I will continue to make it. Prayer to give me the strength and energy to keep fighting for her, making the phone calls to specialists to make sure she gets proper care, to deal with the mood swings and not take it personally (even when she says she hates me), and to make sure that the school does what it should. I needed to be reminded that if I give up on her, she has no one. I will not fail her - failure is not an option.

So for all of you fighting the good fight for your special needs child, I pray for you, you pray for me. I am determined to make every difference in my baby's life and I know you feel the same about yours. And just in case you haven't heard it lately, all of your efforts are appreciated. Keep keeping on...
Here's to us!