I think I am going to go into the T-shirt business - it’s such a great way to express myself and trust me, I need to express myself. The first one I am going to have made will go something like this: On the back the shirt will say: “I’ve just gotta know…” And on the front will be: “Before you called me… did you read her IEP?”
I think I will wear it every time I have to go to J’s school
to go over, for the millionth time, the things they should be following as it’s
stated in her IEP.
My baby has already started school and it’s been, um let’s
call it challenging. I’ve talked to several parents and I am not the only mom
having a bit of trouble. Let me go down
a quick list. The first day of school J didn’t use the bathroom at all. She’s
in a new part of the school and wasn’t sure where to find the restroom. Self-advocating is a skill she needs to work
on (it’s in her IEP) and she should be sent to the nurse every 2 hours (that’s
in the IEP too) so knowing where the bathrooms are should not have been an issue.
Then I got a call about her pants, in her IEP (see a theme
forming here??) she is excused from the typical uniform pants. But they had a
problem with the material the pants were made of. They called her down to the office and scared
the daylights out of her. She thought she was in trouble. What can she do about
the pants I bought for her?
I had to send my mother to the school to find out about the
restroom, meanwhile, I had to visit five or six stores to try and find a
material that they liked better.
While my mom was at the school, an interesting thing
happened. While the administrator talked with my mother, (who came up there
about the bathroom issues) she asked about J’s hair. When she is stressed or restless, she pulls
at her hair so she has been given permission to wear a scarf to school. The
administrator asked, and my mother indicated that she’s still tugging at it
most days. The woman then asked my mother the question that really irks me… “Is
there anything different or going on at home?”
… Are you for real?
Funny you can think to ask about her hair, but for some reason we can’t
remember the restroom, self-advocacy assistance, or uniform provisions in the
same IEP. And asking me if there is something going on at home? Read the IEP! She has multiple diagnoses. She
can get stressed out if I ask her to brush her teeth! And if we want to talk
about stress, calling her down to the office on the first day about her pants
didn’t build self-confidence. She was so proud of her outfit. She tried it on
the night before and everything. And I might add, the pants were made of the
same material she wore all through middle school.
For most of you, school starts this week – a word of advice.
Take my experience as a reminder that no matter how long your child has been at
a school and no matter how much information is in the IEP, get ready to
advocate for your child and remind the school of its obligation. Remember, the
IEP isn’t a suggestion; it is the law. You must comply with what is in the
document, period.
And for anyone working with ESE students and you want to
call home to speak with mom or dad, don’t ask parents if there is something
going on at home. Don’t get me wrong if
there is an odd change in behavior I can perhaps understand the question, but
really? She’s been pulling out her hair since she was in elementary school,
this isn’t new. And… it’s in the IEP! I’ve learned that many don’t read it and
they should.
Be sure to have a copy of the IEP handy, and be prepared to refer
to it often. Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself, because trust me, you are
going to have to.
And if you want a T-shirt, let me know. I’ll share the
design when it’s done.
