Wow, I can’t believe the summer is just about done and it’s
time to send my babies off to school. Although they are now 12 and 13, they
will always be mama’s babies. So I haven’t blogged in a while – big surprise.
Believe me, I have thought about it, but working 10-hour days, participating in
church activities, keeping my house in order, and managing a special needs
child and a 13-year-old left little time for sleep much less writing.
But I have to say I have missed it, and boy has it been a busy
summer. My daughter’s tantrums and downright belligerence has ebbed and
flowed. The change in her ADHD medicine
has helped some, and I think I am getting better at learning how to pick my
battles with her. She’s had a few bouts of sleeplessness but not too bad. She
enjoyed her trip to Baltimore, although after a few days of sleeping in a bed
other than her own (in the hotel), she was a bit frazzled. She is always excited to go visit a
new place but equally excited to return to the familiarity of what she knows.
Almost two weeks ago though, she fractured her ankle and is
now in a cast. The child loves to flip and although they told her to stop, she
just HAD to try one more and …. Yep CRACK! I don’t have to tell you, a child
who isn’t a special needs child in a cast can’t be fun, add my daughter’s
disability on top of it and it’s a recipe for disaster. We are making the best
of it though.
Recently I filled out
my FMLA paperwork for another year and this time, when I read the list of
diagnoses her doctor included in the justification, one really struck me. Mind
you, it doesn’t come as a surprise that she added it and it isn’t unexpected,
but to see it in writing really threw me for a loop. While I share a lot in this blog, I won’t
name the diagnoses out of respect for my baby girl’s privacy. But most of you
can likely guess. It’s hard to explain why a diagnoses that I knew was
inevitable seemed to impact me so – maybe it’s because seeing it in writing
makes it seem so final, so permanent, so real. I often wonder how I will ever
be able to explain all of it to my daughter. Some days I know she feels that
she is different, other days, she seems blissfully unaware. I don’t know that she fully understands all
that is challenging in her life and I have to say, sometimes I am grateful for
that. When she is happy and smiling and in a goofy mood I see the little girl
that she could be if it wasn’t for the mental illness that sometimes makes life
so difficult for her. It makes me cry. But I have to remind myself that no
matter how much I grieve for what she will never know or understand, I must be
grateful for the fact that she is here and that I have the privilege of being her
mommy.
Work has been a trip too, more on that later though. And I
have much to say about my son, the young man who didn’t ask for a special needs
sibling but handles it well anyway. For
now, I just wanted to say I’ve missed writing and to let you know that my
little girl keeps keeping on!
