This Thing is Real

So since my big debut on Huffington Post, I haven’t written a blog in a few weeks (LOL!). I know, I know, no need to get the big head after just one national pick up, but I am still riding high!

Things have been going along since my last entry. A few bumps in the road, but hey, that’s the life of a mom. 

I did want to take a bit of serious turn in this post though.  Most of you know my hair is natural right (meaning I don’t have a perm)?  One of the founders of a line of natural hair care products  (that I’ve used a lot) called Miss. Jessie's recently committed suicide. Titi Branch was a beautiful 45-year-old woman with a bright future and a thriving business.  She and her boyfriend had even started a recent line for men. 

In the days since her suicide I’ve heard people say, things like “wow, she had so much going for her,” or, “wonder what was so terrible that she thought her only choice was to take her own life?” Some even wanted to debate suicide as a religious issue and whether she had time to ask God for forgiveness before she died.

Questions and comments like these still show that society can sometimes struggle with understanding that depression isn’t a choice. And while a person may seem as if they have the world at their fingertips, dealing with a mental illness colors the way they see the world and everything around them. People battling depression and other forms of mental illness don’t’ choose to be mentally ill or suicidal, anymore than a person can choose to have cancer.

Branch is one in a line of many celebrities and notables who, over the past few months, have take their own lives because they lost their battle with depression. According to the National Alliance for Mental Illness, the holiday season is always a difficult time for someone battling depression or any form of mental illness. Oftentimes it is because they are missing a loved one who has passed away, or their financial situation may have changed and they can’t afford to purchase gifts the way they have in the past.  While those kinds of situations can make anyone sad, it is often intensified for someone battling mental illness.

I urge all of you to take the time to check on a loved one battling mental illness during this time of year.  Make sure to encourage them to venture out of the house and spend time with friends and family.  If you haven’t heard from him or her in a day or so, stop by or call.

And if you or someone you love is struggling during this holiday season, or any time of year, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. And if a loved comes to you in despair, don’t judge them or waste time trying to understand how something that seems trivial could send them into a tailspin – just get them help and do it quickly.

I know I have said it in the past but I think it’s worth repeating: remember that mental illness is real; just because you can’t see it on an X-ray or an ultrasound, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

For more information on the signs to watch for or how to help, visit www.nami.org

TITI BRANCH - May You Rest in Peace

Telling My Story

Today I just wanted to share a post of mine that was picked up and published. I hope you like it! If you are raising a special needs child, know you are not alone!

How I Deal With the Comments People Make About My Adopted, Special-Needs Child http://huff.to/1u2Uug9 via @HuffPostCaLiv

This is What Happens When a Brain is in Overdrive

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So there isn’t much on my mind today, except the rising cost of groceries, the Enterovirus scare, Ebola, and my complete and total lack of organization. That’s quite a list right?!

It’s like I can’t shut off my brain and just take a moment to relax - when one of my children so much as sneezes, I have to press down the urge to grab a thermometer and take them to the nearest emergency room. I come home from work exhausted and can’t find the motivation to deal with the load of laundry staring back at me, I put my keys down and then remember I need to get something from the car only to realize I have NO IDEA where I set the keys down less than five minutes before, and has anybody seen the price of milk lately?!  Good God it’s enough to make anybody go slap batty!

Hopefully I can get motivated this week and get back on the organizational bandwagon - with a full schedule of work, church, kids, hubby, etc. I had better get it together soon, or I may pick up the wrong kid for the wrong appointment on the wrong day. And since no one can tell me how to make sure my kids don’t get sick with some mystery virus and there aren’t lots of coupons out there to off set the price of milk, I figure, out of all of the stuff taking up space in my brain, getting organized might be the only thing I can control at the moment. Hopefully it will bring me a bit more calm and balance. Anybody got any good ideas on how to keep track of all there is to do, drop me a line - I am open to suggestions. And if you happen to find a coupon for a gallon of milk (heck, even a coupon for half gallon), I’ll take that too!

P.S. Working on a new idea I want to share with everyone early next week. I hope you’ll like it!

How to Save with a Special Needs Child

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So I was going to give you part two of how to save two weeks ago, but I decided to take a slightly different turn with the post, so it took me a minute. It’s still going to be all about how to save, but this one will speak to a particular group of people.

If you are the parent of a special needs child, chances are you pay for way more than what it would take to raise the average child. So here are a few savings tips I’ve learned along the way.

Network, Network, Network! – I attend conferences, seminars, and workshops all of the time, not only to learn more about the diagnoses my daughter has, but to meet other parents who may be going through the same trials and have great techniques and savings tips to share. You can also meet professionals and vendors who can help too. For example, I went to a conference in St. Petersburg, FL and that’s where I learned that if your child has Medicaid, they can receive pull ups, bed pads, and gloves for free with a doctor’s note. They can also get the boost nutritional drinks for free as well. Do you have any idea how much we were spending on Goodnites?! I was cutting coupons trying to find a savings any way I could. But now I get them delivered to my door each month FOR FREE! If you want to know more about that one, email me.

The Internet is Your Friend – So, my mom thinks the Internet is the devil net. And while it is true that you can find some really freaky stuff online, you can also find some important information. I surf the next routinely looking for new conferences, parent forums, etc. That’s how I found out about the Family Café. If you live in Florida, it’s a weekend of workshops and events for special needs children and their families. They offer some scholarships for families to attend for free AND, every agency imaginable attends from Social Security to the Agencies for Person with Disabilities. You can go by their booths and get information as well as a contact person.  The next Family Café is June 5-7 2015. Want to know more? Go to: http://www.familycafe.net..

Never Be Afraid to Ask – So if I have learned anything as the mom of a special needs child, it’s that I can’t be afraid to speak up! I know many of you are private people and often you don’t want to  “burden” others but sometimes they may be able to help. It isn’t about begging or anything like that. Here’s what I mean; before I found out I could get pull ups for free, I had family and friends on the great coupon hunt. Very regularly, Goodnites and Depends have coupons in the Sunday paper.  They would be on the look out and send me clipped coupons when they saw them. Sometimes they’ve even let me know when they saw them on sale. Believe me, it was a great help! Here’s another example. Doctors get freebies and discount cards for meds all of the time. Don’t be afraid to ask for a sample every now and then (I get one at least twice a year for my son’s maintenance inhaler). And the discount cards will often save you half off for several refills.

Understand your Insurance and Employee Benefits – Let’s face it, most special needs children spend a lot of time at doctor’s appointments. Be sure you understand your benefits plan so that you aren’t over charged. And, find out if your company offers an Employee Assistance Program. You can often get up to 5 therapy sessions at no cost to you through the program. You do have to answer a few questions but trust me, it’s all confidential. I used EAP for my daughter and the 5 visits gave me the chance to see if I liked the therapist that had been recommended to me. She still sees her today.

Good luck!

Hello, My Name is Karin and I .... Am a Coupon Addict

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So anyone who knows me at all knows that I am sooooo into coupons and never paying full price for ANYTHING. I subscribe to several sites, I get two Sunday papers, and my dad knows that he should give me his inserts from his paper. I swap coupons with co-workers AND, I check multiple sites before I hit the stores.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not like the people you see on Extreme Couponing. I am not diving into dumpsters or denying myself a good homemade burger just because ground beef isn't on sale this week. But I can say I save about 15-20 percent every time I step into the store.

And with all of the stories about the price of everything going up, people who at one time picked at me for my couponing ways are asking to see the scraps after I cut out the ones I am going to use.

There are great apps and websites you can visit if you don't have time to cut coupons and I am going to share a few of the apps and websites today and then a few more in the next day or so. I hope that you will let me know if you find any of them useful. So here we go!

Snip Snap: I found this app after reading an article online about ways to save on groceries and restaurants. You need to have a smart phone to use this app but it is GREAT! Once you download it, you can type in the name of any business you are planning to visit. If there is a coupon available you can snip it. People upload coupons from all over the US to share. A few suggestions: Some of the coupons actually look like someone put it on a table and took a photo of it. Some stores won't accept those. But there are often multiple entries for the same coupon. Try to find one that comes up like a digital coupon with a bar code if you can. Some stores will take the coupon that looks like someone just snapped a photo as long as they can clearly see the coupon code.

RetalMeNot: So this one is a bit more well known. They have an app as well as a website. Again, type in the name of any business you are going to visit and see what pops up. This site has In-store as well as Online offers. Recently my son wanted to order one of those Bowflex things you see on TV. It is supposed to help with upper body strength (the child is a string bean). The thing was $99! The deal was he had to come up with more than half the money and I would help with the rest. And of course, he never thought about shipping.  On a whim, I typed Bowflex into the RetailMeNot website. I not only got free shipping but 20% off!

Groupon: This one is pretty popular too. My sister won't buy a toothbrush without checking it first. Not only does the site have a listing of coupons, but it also gives amazing discounts on all sorts of things. A friend of mine recently wanted to get sky diving lessons for her husband (hey, I ain't for jumping out of a plane but it works for some!). She went to Groupon and got a 50% off deal!

If you haven't tried any of these sites, give it a whirl a let me know. Next time I'll give you a few tips on how to best use coupons and a few sites you can go to if you aren't a coupon clipper.  Good luck!

Open Mouth Insert Foot

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This one won’t be long. But I hope you will share it with others after you read it. Two people very close to me recently shared an experience they had.  One made a comment, really just talking out loud, and said “gee my back hurts.” Someone walking by commented to her: “lose weight.” Another walked by a relative who asked her how big she was planning to get …wow.

Sometimes I wonder if people really think before they speak. I have never understood why it seems to be socially acceptable to let someone know how much weight you think they’ve gained. Body image is still a major issue in our world and no matter how self confident you are, having someone make a negative comment about your weight is never helpful. I mean, do people really think making a negative remark is some how motivating? How many of us can honestly say we don’t realize when we’ve gained weight? I mean, do we really need anyone to point it out. We see ourselves everyday. WE ALREADY KNOW!

As they talked to me about the experience I realized just how much it bothered them, and they had every right to be completely irritated. Can you imagine how that insensitive comment might weigh on their minds the next time they try on an outfit or get dressed for an important occasion?

While maintaining a healthy weight is always a goal, believe me, there are plenty of skinny people with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, back problems, and every other manner of health issue that many may think are only an issue of weight.

Do us all a favor, before you get ready to comment on a person’s appearance, go over the remark in your head, as if someone was saying it to you and see how it makes you feel. Say, “Gee, (Insert your name) you are getting pretty chunky,” and if it doesn’t bring a smile to your face or if it doesn’t make you feel all warm and fuzzy,  better to keep your mouth shut and not make that comment to someone else. Sometimes it’s better to think it, and not speak it, ya know?

A Broken System

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I read a story several days ago about a young, single mom who let her daughter play in the park while she worked her shift at McDonald’s. Not having any family in the area, she would at times allow her to sit at her job but knew that couldn’t be a long-term solution.  So, when her daughter begged her to play in the park, the 19-year-old mother, with few options, reluctantly agreed.

I also read a story about a woman who left her two kids in the car while she went on a job interview.  Practically homeless, she had very few options and couldn't find a sitter.

In both cases, the mothers were arrested and their children stripped from them … gee, that was real helpful. 

Sometimes I wonder about the country I live in. McDonald’s fired the 19-year-old mother, (although I understand she did get her daughter back) and the other mom got a ridiculous sentence that was overturned after public outcry. Both are working with lawyers who have been kind enough to take their cases pro bono. 

Reading stories like this, I am convinced the system is rigged to keep you down. Did they make the smartest choices, of course not, but clearly these two women didn’t need to be arrested and have their children traumatized. What they needed was a little help and compassion. I know many who are on public assistance – working for minimum wage barely making it. They get about $300-$500 in food stamps depending on the number of children they have, their rent is next to nothing on Section 8, and they get Medicaid. So they find a job making say, $1.50 more an hour - so they go from making about $7.50 an hour to $9.00 an hour. Now, their food stamps are cut in half, their rent goes up 25% and they lose their Medicaid. Really?! Then what do they do - quit the job and go back to staying at home or a they get another job making little to nothing (not that $9.00 is a lot of money).  And the vicious cycle continues.

I get that the more you make, the less you should need in terms of assistance, but good grief, give them a chance to get settled, to save a little, to get a raise or two under their belt.  I can even see requiring them to work with someone to help them budget and plan for the day they won’t need assistance anymore. How great it would have been if the system had a place these two moms could have turned to for help with child care, without charging them. What a concept! 

No one can deny that the cost of living is pretty steep no matter where you live. And I know that there are those who take advantage of the system. But there has to be a way not to pull up the flowers with the weeds – that is, look at every case individually instead of painting everyone on assistance with the same broad brush and treating each case the same.

In many ways, I think this country has lost its compassion, and a place without compassion is a scary place to be.