Once You Decide to Parent, You Have to be All In

Having a special needs child can be tough. Moms worry about their children special needs or not. But when you are the mom of a child like mine, sometimes people tend to think that you worry too much, or you over compensate, or that they can do more than you give them credit for. I've learned that I can't worry about what people think. I have to stand on what I know is best for both of my children regardless of what others may say.

photo:allheart.com

Recently one of my daughter's doctors (one she sees ALL the time) retired. Mental health can be subjective and to that end, I didn't want to just pick a new doctor from a list with no recommendations. So I asked around and got a few referrals. I called some and settled on one. There were some signs that perhaps things wouldn't be to my liking (trying to get billing straight was a trip) but I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. I took J to the appointment and it was AWFUL. She didn't review any of her information before the visit, she didn't really introduce herself, she asked me to tell her how her former physician came up with a particular diagnosis as though she disagreed, (um I ain't the professional, why are you asking me?), she interacted very little with J, and at one point, checked a message on her cell phone in the middle of the session. I was too through.

So now what? Do I stay with this person and see if it gets better? Do I start this process over again? Do I drag my baby all over town from doctor to doctor until I find one that works? Will people think I am too judgmental?  And then, it hit me. She is MINE, and if I am not willing to make sure she gets the proper care who will? So I started my search again and this time, I went to the first visit alone to get a feel for the doctor's philosophy, way of work, his style, - basically, I interviewed him. I asked if this was permitted before I made the appointment (because if it wasn't I was going to pass), they told me yes. When I arrived he seemed a bit surprised but I stressed my need to have a comfort level with a doctor that will play a big role in my daughter's life.

I've learned that my approach isn't one that many doctors have seen and that some may not appreciate.I say it should be a regular practice. People get second opinions all of the time for cancer diagnoses, surgery recommendations, you name it. Why not do the same with mental health? Am I looking for someone to always agree with me? No. But I am looking for someone that makes me feel as though they have my daughter's interests at heart, who won't dismiss my concerns and for God's sake, who won't CHECK THEIR CELL PHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF A VISIT! I say whether you have a special needs child or not, follow your instincts. If you don't like your child's doctor, look for another. If you don't think they are really getting what they need, make some noise.

I chose to be a parent and whether you adopted, got pregnant unexpectedly, tried to get pregnant, whatever, parenthood is a choice and once you make it, you have to give it all you got - even if it means ruffling a few feathers. For my kids, it's the least I can do.