Day 2

Day 2

May 2, 2013 –

Last night wasn’t too bad.  And this morning was laced with only a momentary complication or two.  So since all seems well at the moment I wanted to use this entry to just reflect. Tonight is our first visit to the doctor at the university since the incident with the police. I will be taking her tonight and I have to say I am a bit apprehensive. I don’t know quite what to expect.

There are times when my daughter can be so loving and cooperative then there are times… I think you get the picture. Sometimes I wish there was a way for me to see what is going on inside her brain, inside her body in those times when cooperation seems like it is beyond her. 

I try to remind myself in those moments, that whatever she is struggling with internally is beyond my comprehension and my job is simply to love and protect her.  But I would be lying if I said that isn’t sometimes difficult. While I know that there are many things she struggles with, I can’t allow her to believe that her actions don’t have consequences. That is a tough balance. When we punish her for taking things she shouldn’t, sneaking food or other things she was told she couldn’t have, or whatever else she has done, we run the risk of setting of an episode. I can’t allow that worry however, to stop me from being her mom in every way, and that means teaching her right from wrong, even when she has trouble listening and practicing what we’ve taught her.

Sometimes when I mention that she has lost a privilege (or the time she didn’t get to go to the school dance because she took $20 from my purse), people feel the need to remind me that she is after all, a special needs child. Um – duh.  While we all know that is true, and I know that socially and emotionally she is much younger than her 11 years, her disability can’t be the excuse for everything she does. Even a four-year-old understands the word “no.”

Hopefully I will one day be able to balance an understanding of when she honestly can’t help her behavior and when she is just choosing not to cooperate. It’s tough, but I am after all, her mother and I love her to pieces - so, I’ll keep working at it.