Day 3-6

May 3 – 5

So the last time I posted, things were somewhat quiet. How I wish that was still the case. The past few days have been rough. It started OK, she had a middle school dance that she attended with her dad. I am proud of my husband. After what happened a few weeks ago I wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t want to take her to appointments. When a dad is restraining a girl it can look a whole more menacing to people who may mean well when they alert authorities but they don’t know what is really going on.

She had a really good time at the dance and things went well. That was the highlight of the weekend. The rest was pretty rough. The next day I had a breakfast at church to attend. She went with me. It was hard to get her to stay put and do as I asked. Since I was on the committee organizing the breakfast, it was hard to try and keep up with her and do my part. That afternoon we went shopping. She has had a growth spurt and needed a few new dresses for church and new shoes.  Having her in a store is like shopping with a toddler that is almost 5 feet tall. It can wear you out. She is touching everything she sees, she wonders off, she doesn’t pay attention to where she is going, and on and on. We made it out without too many incidents, but I was exhausted.

By Sunday she was moody and cranky. It was hard to get her to cooperate to get dressed for church and as I have said before, brushing her teeth is like preparing for battle. She was so moody that I wasn’t quite sure we would make it to church. I tried talking to her, tried to discover the source of her mood, and then remembered – she doesn’t understand it herself and certainly wouldn’t be able to explain it to me.

Part way through the service she seemed to loosen up and I was relieved. By Monday morning though, the calm before the storm was done. When we got ready to leave for school I realized her shoes were still with my sister who had helped her get ready for me before her after school dance. Because my daughter is notorious for misplacing shoes, I always have a back up pair. But she refused to put them on. She wouldn’t sit down and put them on correctly. Instead, she went to her room and retrieved a pair that had to be a size-and-a-half too small. I tried helping her put the new shoes on, she fought to get away. Finally she was yelling and screaming and really saying things that were WAY disrespectful. I felt my calm and patience begin to fray. I called for reinforcements and my mom came to get her. She didn’t go to school Monday, she was just WAY too emotional for that. I was tired, at my wits end and I felt like a terrible person.

Why wasn’t I able to get the situation under control? I hated having to bother my mother and have her leave her house to come to mine so early in the morning but my husband had already left for work, I needed to get my son to school and most of all, I needed help.  Maybe I should have let her wear the shoes she had on at first even though they didn’t fit.  Maybe I should have not allowed her words and actions to get me off my game. But every now and then, you have to know when to just say I need help. Her mood wasn’t much better at therapy last night either, they are afraid she is regressing some and may not ever move much past the toddler stage in terms of social and emotional development (sigh). What in the world am I going to do?